apo mechanes theos

http://adrr.com/adr4/three.htm

You can read it there, or on the blog here.

I’ve had some delays in my personal life, but nothing that was permanent.  My thanks to Dr. Voyles of www.conflictresolutionacademy.com

Next, a book review.

By Dr. Rick Voyles

Almost no one enjoys conflict.  Everyone tries to avoid it.  In fact, we work hard to master conflict avoidance skills.  We teach our kids in school not to get into fights, avoid disagreements, walk away, give in or give up.  We socialize young girls and adult women to value the relationship above their own personal interests or needs.

As a result we are an intimacy starved culture.  We raise children who do not know how to manage their anger, or productively deal with conflict.  Where do our children learn how to fight, when to fight and what is worth fighting for?  I may be the calmest most peaceful person on the planet, but that does not mean those around me are.  Where do I learn the skills to handle their confrontation of me?

I am an expert on conflict.  Most perceive me as a peacemaker.  I am hired to enter into contexts of conflict and provide direction, clarity, and opportunities for resolution.  I am also hired to train people.  Most see training to be a tool used as a means to prevent conflict.  The thought is, “with conflict skills training, people will be able to stay out of conflict.”  This is probably one of two of the biggest misconceptions in the conflict management field.  Conflict skills training is designed to provide people with skills to utilize when faced with conflict, not prevent it.  Conflict management skills are useless if there is no conflict.  Conflict management skills promote positive outcomes to disputes, not conflict prevention.

Conflict management consists of three different skill sets: communication skills, negotiation skills, and resolution skills.  All three are necessary and indispensable elements for the conflict management practitioner.

Communication Skills Do Not Resolve Conflicts

The second largest misconception in conflict management is that better communication skills resolve conflict.  This misconception is indicative of the fact that 98% of all conflict management training on the market today consists of communication skills training.  It is no wonder we are unable to manage conflict either in our personal or our professional settings.  Communication skills without negotiation skills and resolution skills does not work, resulting more often than not, with practitioners breaking the back of their communication skills by expecting this skill set to do something it was never designed to do.

Communication skills are designed to keep the door of communication open.  That is all.  Because you cannot resolve a conflict with someone you are not talking to, your communication skills become an important component in the conflict practitioner’s tool kit.  The next two skill sets of the trilogy, negotiation and resolution skills are necessary to take you across the threshold of the door your communication skills kept open for you.

Communication skills were not designed to do what negotiation and resolution skills do.  The conflict practitioner must be training in all three skill sets in order to succeed.

Very few people ever get negotiation training.  As a result, I see most people in conflict fall into persuasion tactics rather than exercise negotiation skills.  Tactics like: threat, punish, shame, guilt and indifference.  Persuasion tactics often escalate conflict, driving parties farther away from any potential for positive outcomes.

When used effectively, resolution and negotiation skills blend together and look like a single skill set.  They are not.  Two components of resolution separate it from negotiation skills training: need exploration and development of the self determination perspective.  Negotiation training without resolution skills is simply a contract or salary negotiation model.  A resolution skill without negotiation training is more like an arbitration model.  Judges and arbitrators resolve conflicts.  They do not need, nor do they employ, negotiation skills.  Mediation employs all three skills sets of the conflict practitioner.

Negotiation skills can be taught, but not all negotiations are negotiating a conflict.  Truly effective conflict management skills cannot be developed without communication skills.

Communication skills can be taught, but not all good communication assumes conflict.  Truly effective conflict management skills cannot be developed without communication skills.

Resolution skills can be taught, but most resolutions require no respect for self determination. Truly effective conflict management skills cannot be developed without resolution skills.

Most conflict management training fails to respect the nature and dynamics of conflict.  It looks for quick and easy fixes, and then wonders why people cannot take their training outside of the learning environment and into their daily lives.  There needs to be a lot more going on in conflict management training than preventing a fight.  No one will ever achieve the potential for positive outcomes within every conflict until the power of this trilogy of skills is embraced.

www.conflictresolutionacademy.com

Earlier this year, the Utah Legislature agreed to fund a new coordinator for the state’s Safety Net Committee.

The committee is a coalition of parties that works to ensure people involved in or wanting to leave polygamy. Paul Murphy, spokesman for Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff has filled the position for the past five years. The job is too much, given all his other duties. So, here is the job description.

Perhaps it is just the career change you have been looking for:

Safety Net Coordinator

Description: Oversee, coordinate and maintain a Safety Net program to support individuals involved in or seeking to leave polygamy, ensuring they have equal access to justice, safety and services.

Accountable to: Family Support Center Executive Director

Responsibilities:
Coordinate and maintain information, collaboration and services among multi-disciplinary teams to assist those involved in polygamy.

Convene and conduct regular meetings of the Safety Net Committee and organize community events, ensuring that government agencies, non-profit organizations and interested people are invited.

Establish and expand nonprofit victim services to child, youth and adult victims in Utah and Northern Arizona.

Provide support, training and technical assistance to providers of domestic violence and child maltreatment victim services.

Develop and distribute provider’s manuals, brochures and other materials.

Provide training, develop and distribute manuals, brochures and other materials to create public awareness in and about the target population.

Implement strategies to increase awareness and reduce risk factors in order to improve the safety and well-being of women and children in the target areas.

Conduct outreach to members of polygamous communities.

Develop and distribute materials that will help those in polygamous communities recognize and identify domestic violence and child abuse.

Convene support groups for members of polygamous communities where education and assistance will be given in accessing supportive services.

Provide culturally sensitive, supportive discussions in support groups, which are attended only by members of the target population.

Hold events, such as fairs or exhibits, where government agencies, faith-based groups and non-profit agencies will describe the resources available to the target population.

Provide support and technical assistance to regional domestic violence program administrators.

Participate as an ex-officio member of the Utah Domestic Violence Council.

Plan, manage and monitor the Safety Net budget, including revenues, expenditures and budget projection.

Represent the Safety Net with federal, state and local government units, in the media or with private organizations.

Develop, direct and /or evaluate programs. Create reports as requested by Executive Director.

Attend all relevant meetings, including weekly supervision with Executive Director.

Other duties as assigned.

Qualifications:
Master’s degree and licensure in Social Work or related field; excellent communication skills, verbal and written; interact comfortably with others of diverse backgrounds; working knowledge of advocacy, accessing government, social and special-need resources; working knowledge of community building, domestic violence and child welfare; awareness of the multiple social, educational, psychological and financial needs of people from various cultures; ability to multi-task; familiarity with business administration; computer literate; able to create and maintain spread sheets; Word, Excel, Power Point.

Salary:
This is a full time, fully benefited position. Salary $48,000 annual.

To apply for this position, fax resume to (801) 562-9347, attention Bonnie Peters or email it to bonnie.peters@familysupportcenter.org

I’ve come up with “the mom test” for certain types of self-help books.

I give a copy to my Mom.

• Can she read it?
• Will she read it?
• Did she like it?
• Did she understand it?
• Did she get something useful out of it?

If my Mom in her seventies comes away with a plus score on all of the counts, then the book is “Mom Worthy” and has passed the “Mom Test.”

Secrets of Dealing with Difficult People just passed the Mom Test and is “Mom Worthy” — first time I’ve actually used the test.  I only gave Mom about a third of the book (it is a e-book and I printed off the first third), told her she would have to pay for the rest, and she is making up her mind to actually spend her own money for a copy. I’d say that is a fairly good endorsement.

Expert Strategies For Dealing With Difficult People is a sample of the contents.

I’ve got selling approaches I like and ones I don’t.  Obviously my approach isn’t the most successful (I like it, I just don’t generate much revenue with it.  My website runs twelve thousand hits a day, yet I don’t generate enough revenue to cover the $14.95 a month I pay the hosting service.  People with far fewer hits are doing a lot more business.

Take a moment to take a look at the author’s web site and the material and make up you own mind, but all I can say about the book is that my Mom approves.  That is a good recommendation.

In the latest debate, held on March 11, the formal proposition was “Tough interrogation of terror suspects is necessary.” Minds were changed during the debate. Before the debate, 46 percent of the audience voted in favor of the motion — that tough interrogation of terror suspects is necessary — while 35 percent opposed it (with 19 percent undecided). By the end of the session, 53 percent opposed the motion and only 40 percent favored it, with 7 percent still undecided.

Interesting.

I ran across another post by another blogger on the subject.

He misses dithering and analytical, but the analysis is nicely said.

He is working from:  http://www.kilmann.com/conflict.html 

(more…)

There are certain types of marketing that tend to generate resistance in me. On the other hand, I’m aware that marketing is a discipline where the target group is often someone other than myself, so I’ve schooled myself to look past the marketing advice at the product. Secrets of Dealing with Difficult People was worth getting through the marketing.

On the one hand it is a basic text — but much of the basics it covers are ones that most people seem not to know. Do I agree with most of it, I’m not sure that isn’t true as to the sample quiz, but much of the basic approach is worth reading as an introductory text, especially to compare what he is saying to others, such as Elgin and Folger.

I will have a longer review when I get a new toner cartridge — I ran out in the middle of printing on the book, so my thoughts are limited to about the first quarter of it.  However, from what I’ve seen so far it is worth a look.

1. When you wish to complain about anything, only speak of what you actually saw or quote what you heard someone say.
2. Never guess why someone would write, say, or do something. You don’t know why. You will never know why. They probably don’t know why. Focus on what they do and what they say, not your imaginary reasons for them doing or saying it.
3. Holding other people accountable for our reactions to what we observe is foolish. Offense is taken, not given. People who get offended usually are imagining a far more negative motivation for what they observed than is really there.
4. Feeling certain about the accuracy of your imaginings is a sign of low intelligence. The more certain you are as to what another person is thinking or feeling, the less likely it is that you are correct.
5. Assume everything you imagine about another person’s emotions, intentions, or motivations is wrong, and you will be right 99% of the time.

Click on the link and read the rest.  Useful.